Racism is Real. I am Repenting. So Should You.

Hey all. I have deleted my post "Ian Smith: A Humanistic Reevaluation" as of August 6th, 2019 because I no longer believe in anything I have written in that post. I watched in horror as I witnessed the memory of Rhodesia being used to fuel the racism-driven violence in Charlottesville, El Paso, and nationwide. Dylan Roof massacred a black church congregation who welcomed him to their worship night with open arms, bearing a Rhodesian flag patch on his shoulder. Hundreds of white nationalists, some of them also bearing the Rhodesian flag patch, marched against the belonging of black people in Charlottesville. Now that my understanding of history has greatly matured, I realize that you absolutely cannot separate the two. I absolutely cannot in good conscience defend white supremacists who derived their livelihood from oppressing black bodies who were the indigenous peoples in the region.

The only reason why I have not done this sooner is that I neglected this blog out of lack of interest since 2016. However, the El Paso shooting is a witness to the power of online posts to cause violence. While the Ian Smith post did not directly incite violence, I realize that bad ideas can encourage acts of macro violence in the long run.

I'm not doing this to cover my ass. I'm doing this as a visible sign of my repentance and a seal of my commitment to serving black and brown bodies.

I am a very different man from the boy that I was three years ago. Three years ago, I built my identity around being the perfect minion of an incredibly abusive and manipulative man. He manufactured persecution by forcing the people under his care to undergo excessive calisthenics and ingest various hot sauces. I recall watching in horror during the final retreat of my senior year as this man forced my Friday group to ingest a cocktail of shrimp sauce, vinegar, bbundaegi (silkworms), and other substances not meant for human consumption...just because they were late. This man was also emotionally manipulative, and he turned me against the young women who would later become my greatest friends and allies my freshman year of college by classifying their legitimate complaints as slander and gossip.

Simply put, all I learned was how to steal, kill, and destroy in an authoritarian fashion. This led to an atmosphere where authority was not to be questioned because they were supposedly appointed by God (a couple pieces of fancy paper from a "Christian college" does not a pastor make), speaking up was not vocally encouraged, and positive conflict resolution styles were not taught. It didn't help that you could get away with calling someone the n-word or the other f-word (they were, however, very vigilant about swear words). Race was not something taught at my church. I didn't know that God affirmed ethnic and racial identity as a creation meant for us to obey His command to spread throughout the earth. I didn't know that while God did affirm ethnic churches as safe spaces, He does desire integration eventually--in Heaven, all nations will be praising God together.

I spent the better part of senior year of high school and freshman year of college unlearning my racist tendencies. I am still unlearning today. In my multiethnic Christian fellowship on campus, I am learning how to talk about race in a God-centered way. My inexperience has led me to hurt many of my brothers and sisters in the fellowship, but they know that I am trying to change and are supporting me in growing as a child of God. I am also learning that Jesus was a man of justice. As a brown man under an empire, Jesus wasn't necessarily a political revolutionary, but His actions were an even louder statement of how God wants His kingdom to look. Unlike contemporary men, Jesus did not expect the women he served to cook for him, but just to listen to His words (and told off Martha when she played into her gendered role!). Jesus did not accept the racially and gender-stratified hierarchy within the temple but destroyed the stations of money-changers who cheated pilgrims who simply wanted to sacrifice to God. Jesus reached out to Samaritans and a Canaanite woman and provided physical and spiritual healing when His culture told Him that they were trash.

If Jesus is a man of justice and if I claim to follow Him, then I need to repent of the various ways in which I have been unjust. I am also reconciling with those who I have hurt because of my deep-seated bigotry, both in high school and in college. This post is also one of those ways.

I want to invite you to join me in hating my own sin first and ask you this: how have you been complacent in or have even perpetuated racism in your own life?

Don't chug helium, guys!

"We'll lose."
"We do that together too."

The Light Wars have just begun. Although the dark lord Darth Jiddy is no more, the ragtag army of E-HIGH students is once again scattered to the four corners of Orange County.

The vile PRINCE OF DARKNESS has dispatched the vile plagues of apathy and indecision on the unsuspecting students as they try to resume their daily lives.

Failing to regroup at HAVEN spells certain doom for the small band of spiritual warriors in their struggle to make a difference in the world...

Regaining old momentum is a struggle, especially after 2015 Facedown retreat set the bar so high. But as a certain Elliot Song would put it, 'We'll bounce back." In the meantime, enjoy the first post of the new year, which is dedicated to my E-High group SYNDICATE!

Don't chug helium guys!

I spend my Friday nights at church, which we call HAVEN. I'm part of a group called Syndicate. The pastor encourages group unity...and competition. We have a house competition of sorts. The group that does the best at the end of the year gets a prize and bragging rights. Groups that don't do well...let's just say they experience a different side of God's love (pronounced "punishment").  The words "group activity" are enough to get my heart racing.

This particular activity was based on the body of Christ (a hackneyed cliché for regular churchgoers). I was supposed to be the "lungs," which was tasked with blowing a balloon until it popped. The "blowing" part was easy. The "popped" part was not.

I don't think I understood how Sisyphus felt about rolling his boulder until that activity. Just as the balloon was about to burst, my lips could no longer fit on the mouthpiece. It didn't help that I kept running out of breath. Darn asthma!

Maybe it was the two white balloons sputtering out of control. Soon enough the whole of Syndicate gathered around me, cheering me on. Everyone was hollering advice or encouragement of some sort, but the one comment I still remember came from a fellow Oxford student.

"C'mon Oxnerd you can do it! You know there's punishment for last place. This time it's Mad Dog!"

Mad Dog is the name of a hot sauce that was the staple ingredient of HAVEN's arsenal of unspeakable horrors. I am fortunate enough to not have tried Mad Dog, but in the eighth grade I was given a drop of a similar sauce, Final Answer (1,500,000 Scoville units). You would think I would have been down for Mad Dog (600,000 Scoville units), but the numbers game is poor consolation when your throat feels like it's in the deepest pits of Hell (I looked up the measurements while I was writing this).

Syndicate's reassurance moved me. I took a deep breath, gathered my resolve, and began to blow. Then a teacher grabbed the balloon out of my hands and stomped on it.

According to everybody, my face was turning purple, and I was about to pass out. It took a full hour for my face to regain color and the numbness to leave my body.

I still keep a picture from that day as my cover photo on Facebook. My cheeks are once again ruddy, and I'm smiling because I was also the "brain," a job I was so good at that my team's score skyrocketed from last to first. Syndicate is again gathered around me, but this time assured of victory. For my caption I used these words:

Don't chug helium guys!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! A few shout-outs are in order.

#syndicate

Thank you Oxford Academy Class of '18 for four great years of companionship. I look forward to growing and learning with you guys for the next two years.

Thank you Mrs. Handson, Oxford Academy art teacher, for being one of the few people who tells me when I need to shut up and continually encourages me in my artistic journey.

Thank you Mr. Stevens, my cluster teacher. Thank you for teaching me that nothing gets done if we don't act and being one of the few people in our cluster to care about cluster events.

Thank you House of Peter for an epic 2013-14 year. I thank God for the chance to get to know you guys: Iris, Daniel, Yohan, Christine, Yuna, Rachel, Eric. Iris, you are a talented leader and people would follow you to China. I'd be one of those people. Your Biology study guides were super helpful last year and I'm really grateful that you help me out whenever I don't get something in science class. Three years of science classes with you...oh how time flies. It's people like you who inspire me to become do my best and help others every day. Daniel, you too--I really enjoy sitting next to and working with you at Spanish. You have a lot of charisma and you draw similarly cool people to yourself as well. Yohan, thanks for putting up with my potty mouth and Christine thanks for being a great Servant (that Final Answer tasted really good, it really did). Eric and Yuna, I'm sorry I didn't quite get to know you but I think you were an integral part of the House. It was especially a blessing to work on prayer cards with Rachel, who is such a talented artist. Even if we didn't succeed I truly enjoyed fellowship and prayer (that is, when we got to praying) with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Say hi to me if we meet up at church or IED Engineering (yes that means you, Eric, Rachel)

AND HIS NAME IS...JOE CENA!!!

Thank you Syndicate for saving my dignity and Samuel Park teacher for saving my life during the "Body of Christ" group activity. Other than nearly losing consciousness from chugging helium, you guys are the best group in HAVEN this year.

Thank you Samuel Kim for serving with me in UED 3rd service this year.

Thank you SRCC Awana, and not just for the community service hours. I really enjoy serving with you guys, even if I am awkward with kids.

Thank you Pastor Frank Kim for being so accepting of and being honest with us kids during your tenure as E-High pastor during the 2014-15 year. Wherever you are, whether you were sorely misunderstood by the church or at fault when the goop hit the fan, my prayers are with you and your wife.

Pastor Joe playing Butts Up

Thank you Pastor Joe Oh for stepping in as youth pastor of E-High. I see you as my spiritual role model and look forward to another dynamic year in HAVEN.

Thank you Helen teacher for 7 whole years of piano (WHOOOO) and helping my soul-searching with my relationship to music even though I don't work as hard as I should.

Thank you KYDT Sophomore guys: that means you, Andrew Teacher, David, Alvin, Justin. I hope that we can struggle with and overcome our challenges together. Don't give up ever. I have as much faith in you as I do in the certainty of Notre Dame winning the Rose Bowl, which is a lot.

Alan (unmentioned) and me serving during Wipeout Run

Thank you Ritvik for being serious when I am serious and being a great editor and confidante. I hope we can have English in the same class next year. Thank you Noah and Mr. Ramirez for a great year of Halo (sorry for making a mess in your dad's classroom). Thank you Sambodh for sticking with me and wishing the best for me since seventh grade even when I was too embarrassed to consider you as my friend. Thanks Jay and Shyam for playing Halo with us and being my friends. Most of all, thank you William for never hesitating to give your opinion and for knowing my actual birthday. Finally, thank you Hitomi, who always listens to what I have to say, no matter how blunt

Jean, Richard (unmentioned) and Austin (unmentioned) messing around

Thank you Jean for introducing new tea shops into my life and bringing a fresh perspective whenever we hang out. Best of luck in Extemp and congratulations on getting first at CSUF! Your busy schedule and outlook inspires me to challenge myself. I always appreciate that you're one of the few people who can tell when they've put me on the spot. Even though we'll always have different ways of looking at things, you'll always be a cool older sister in my mind.

Special mention goes to CTY LAWP-sters 2014 for putting up with my reactionary crazy-uncle behavior (Yechan Choi, Sophia Dovichi, Izzie, Andrew Pang, Brianna Harris, Andy Zhao, Wilson, Sam Segal, Alexandra Li, Ayelen Gimenez, Natalie Wire, Maxwell Shirameta, Mark Hohmann teacher, Kelly Chong teacher). 

If I listed all the people who changed my life, this post would be as long as the Bible and I would never get to sew my mole.

Thanks Cousins Daniel, Christine, and Ester for being great confidantes. Thank you Cousins Sharon, Miriam, and Anna for welcoming me to Canada, long live the Commonwealth!

Thank you Mom and Dad for continually putting up with my worst and buying me sausages (even after giving a 10 minute lecture on how uncooked pork can cause brain death). You were the first people to teach me decency and modesty and encouraged me to join the body of Christ. Even if I don't understand your explanations or lectures, both of you work super hard to teach me how to be my best. Even though I don't show it often, I really do love you.

Most of all thank you Jesus Christ for dying on the cross for my many sins. It means so much to me that you welcome me regardless of how dirty and sinful I am.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Their Name Liveth For Evermore

"War is the health of the state," said Randolph Bourne, an American intellectual.

Most Westerners during the 1900s saw war through a similar lens. During this period European nations and the United States focused on expanding and maintaining their respective spheres of influence in Africa and Asia. With relatively few exceptions, most of their indigenous opponents probably could not tell a trigger from a safety. War was but a game to the Western mindset, a game that could easily be won. When the Great War began, thousands flocked to the recruiting offices, not wanting to be left out of this great adventure. "It'll be over by Christmas," they said.

The war did not end by Christmas. The short adventure anticipated by the public turned out to be a four year-long stalemate that cost both Allied and Central Powers much blood and treasure. In three months the British Empire lowered their height requirement by five inches because their entire original army was wiped out. The Battle of the Somme alone caused 1,000,000 casualties both British and German, of which 310,000 lost their lives. The Hundred Days Offensive was just as costly, with the American Expeditionary Force suffering 130,00 casualties. In the French Army, 68 out of 112 divisions experienced mutinies, and 50 were shot by firing squads.

What if Bourne stood in a soldier's boots? What if he had also trudged through the mud, laden with sixty-one pounds of gear, rifle, pack, and all? What if he also hunkered down in the grimy, rat-infested trenches of the Marne front, anxious about the next mustard gas attack? What if he saw his comrades ripped to pieces by enemy fire from the countless Maxim machine guns that dotted both sides of the trenches?

Perhaps the lens that he saw war with would become much darker.

Like Randolph Bourne and his contemporaries, we tend to underestimate the seriousness of war. The battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan are distant world confined behind the television screen. In public we outwardly revere the soldier, but behind closed doors we mock him/her as a slack-jawed, uneducated jarhead with nothing better to do with his/her life. Remembrance Day has become No School Day. War is once again a foreign game. And history will repeat itself if this mindset does not change.

Whether you are in the United States, the Commonwealth, or the rest of the world, stop and take two minutes to remember those who sacrificed for your freedom. One minute is for giving thanks for the living, and the second minute is for remembering the fallen. Thank the veterans you know in person. Visit a cemetery and pay your respects. Maybe attend a Remembrance Day service. Wear the poppy with pride. And most of all, keep living. That would make our soldiers proud. 

EXTRA: OA Hogwarts Academy Rally

Even the Grump gets tired of grumping about the mundanities of daily life and has to acknowledge that some things are actually worth complimenting. One of these things is the recent "Hogwarts Academy" rally held today.

Thank you Oxford ASB!

Kudos to Oxford Academy ASB for their unfailing effort! As always, the decorations and props were well-made and fitting to the occassion. The effort showed the most when all the ASB members and class representatives memorized their lines perfectly. Even in the most ideal circumstances Oxford ASB members are extremely busy, and the fact that they took the extra time just to add a touch of human sincerity to this rally already warms my heart. Thank you guys. You made my day. 

Kudos to Class of '18. You may have not won the rally, but you really showed who DOMINATED the cheers! When Class President Richard started screaming "1-8" you guys had no hesitation in screaming back "DOMINATE!" A special thank you to you too!

Of course, as the resident Grump of Oxford Academy, I am obligated to pass a few words of wisdom to pass around. More people need to be enthusiastic for rallies. The spirit squad up at the front does a great job of pulling the class up, but as you move towards the back of the bleachers you can feel the enthusiasm levels drop....and drop. Of course rallies are boring and their themes are contrived to death, but not participating does not help matters. The least you can do is stand up and look excited to support your class representatives. Seniors did a great job of doing this, and we can all take a leaf from their attitude.

I'd also like to draw attention to the recent trend of booing. Of course some class cheers were boo-worthy, but then again, aren't most class cheers poorly written? And so what if the rally is rigged for the Seniors to win--you will all eventually get your slice at the pie. And frankly, it all doesn't matter in the end. I would also like to remind my readers that the current principal of Oxford Academy, Ron Hoshi, has a precedent of looking out for and punishing booing, and this incident will encourage him to be more vigilant in the future. Knowing Hoshi, I can forsee detentions being handed out like candy. Having sat next to the Sophomore Spirit Squad, I know that booing was especially prominent for Sophomore Class, and it cost them greatly in the end. Sophomore Class President Richard Tram had something to say on the matter:

"We cannot continue going into rallies and 'boo', even if it may appear as if the rallies aren't honest...I look forward to proving that we are, rightfully, the most spirited class on campus without the need to 'boo' the other classes."

I would like to join Richard in discouraging booing at rallies or any other school event.

Thanks for your honest consideration. Leave your thoughts in the comments section!

Happy Reformation Day!

Disclaimer: If you haven't guessed already, this is a tribute to Martin Luther. If you don't like my opinions, either don't read or disagree respectfully and with facts. Let's not restart the Thirty Years' War in my comments section.


The 31^st of October usually evokes jack-o-lanterns, free candy, and all things that go bump in the night. Few remember October 31^st as the day that Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses onto the door of Wittenberg Castle Church. Most choose to ignore today’s religious significance because of its seeming irrelevance or potential to surface old wounds. Yet to deny Reformation Day is to deny one’s own history, and we can all learn from the blunders that led to this historic revolution.

To fully appreciate Martin Luther’s contribution, it is necessary to understand the state of the Catholic Church in 1517. Corruption was rampant in the Vatican Curia, the governing body of the Catholic Church, and few exemplified this better than the Pope at the time, Leo X. Leo X was quoted as saying to his brother that “Since God has given us the papacy, let us enjoy it.” And enjoy it he did. To maintain power, Leo X resorted to nepotism and assassinated cardinals who disagreed with him. He also poured Vatican funds into grand boar hunts, numerous artistic commissions, and his (failed) campaigns against Spain and France to establish a central Italian kingdom. Rome paid a heavy price in blood and treasure, and Rome’s treasure, however large, could not last forever. The Vatican did not have enough money to rebuild St. Peter’s Basilica, and the Pope decided to incentivize private donors by offering indulgences.

An indulgence is “a remission before God of the temporal punishment due to sins whose guilt has already been forgiven” (Catholic Catechism). According to the Catechism, repentance is a necessary prerequisite of earning an indulgence, and now indulgences were earned on the basis of wealth. If you were rich enough, you could earn forgiveness without changing your ways. That could potentially cause problems. Despite the assertions of fundamentalist Bible-thumpers, the Pope was probably not trying to sell salvation (indulgences do not even deal with eternal forgiveness), but as Catholic Encyclopedia explained, “it is easy to see how abuses crept in”.

Luther’s 95 Theses exposed this corruption and thus rendered the universal Church a great service. Nobody likes getting called out, however, and the Pope’s dim view of Luther (“a drunken German who would soon be sober”) meant that events only went downhill from there. The Reformation soon became a Revolution, and Luther, with a heavy heart, was excommunicated by the Pope and forced to flee from Papal-controlled territory. Thus begins the split between Protestants and Catholics.

But the Catholic Church is not the only Christian group guilty of mismanaging their funds. Protestant megachurches in particular struggle to discern the difference between promoting the community and promoting themselves. Financial management, whether they be due to an excess or lack of money, is a real struggle for all churches. Reformation Day should be a time for all churches, both Protestant and Catholic, to consider whether their expenses benefit the ministry and if their practices truly honor the name of Christ.

But in practice, all you need to do is to remember that Halloween day is more than jack-o-lanterns, candy, or monsters. Whether you trick or treat, hold a house party, or go to Halloween alternatives (Come out to GLOW Sarang kids!), stay safe, honor God, and have fun. Happy Reformation Day!

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